jack clemens

My friend Jonathan the Comedian

I’ve been friends with Jonathan McBride most of my life.  We played on the same basketball team one year, when he was a senior and I a freshman.  We were born in the same small town in Virginia but didn’t find this out till 17 years later in Austin, Texas.    I once told his (now) wife in high school that I had a crush on her and she laughed at me a good deal.  (I got that a lot)  Her and I also remained friends for long after. 

During one tournament at the beginning of basketball season somewhere around Mineral Wells Texas, we made it to the championship game (I sat the bench and cheered really well).  The coach had scouted the team we were to play the next day, and after watching that team play the coach called us all in to the motel lobby for an impromptu team meeting.  ”Guys, this team we’re about to play has two forwards going D1 next year.  You’ll never play against talent like this again—that much I promise you.  To keep it close, say within 20 points, we’ll have to play a perfect game.  So, I just wanted to let you all know right now that we’re scheduled to lose tomorrow morning at 11 AM. 

And the coach all left us there, ruminating in our unworthiness.  After a long silence Jonathan Mcbride, a team captain, looked at us all and said this: “Guys.  I’ve never won at anything in my life.”  It was funny.  I don’t know if he meant it to be funny but it was very funny because it was very true.  We were a group of losers.   

Jonathan liked playing basketball because it was something he was good at.  He had never won anything in his life.  We had never won anything in our lives. 

But that next day we did win.  Maybe in part to his play but also in part to his anti-speech.

Since then we remained friends all this time, even through Jonathan joining the military, getting married, traveling the globe.   

A few years back we talked about doing standup.  I think we had mentioned it before but it was during a time of change in Jonathan’s life, he was between jobs, still in the Reserves, searching for some purpoise.  We both knew we did not want to sell insurance.  He finally went on stage to try standup.  He got the bug.  He’s been pursuing it ever since and working hard.  

I say all this to give a sort of overview of our relationship, which doesn’t matter or need to be known before viewing the video below.  But I did want to say it for this: I am very proud of him and I am proud to be his friend.  

Thanks for reading this.  Thanks for watching the vid.  Please like, subscribe, follow him on twitter.  @jonathanmcbride  He’s pursuing his dream.  And he has never won anything in his life.  That makes him very funny.  

To Do List

• Start printing my own specie 
• On one side use my own head but not this old head, a younger head
• On the other side depict me doing something amazing like flying with bald eagles
• Never work for money again.  

To do list

• Learn an instrument.  Say “I’m learning an instrument” a lot to others and then wait for their praise.
• Quit learning an instrument after only looking on the wikipedia page of that instrument
• Tell others that I have a learning disability that prevents me from becoming an (instrument of choice) savant.  
• Start a Facebook Page for myself as a musician.
• Post pictures of cats doing cat-like things on that Facebook Page.

this crisco factory is a well-oiled machine

— ∴ dataisplural (@dataisplural) January 30, 2013